You know you've been in China too long when...

3 septembre 2007

1. You’re at an expensive western restaurant and don’t even notice the guy at the next table yelling into his cell phone
2. You enjoy karaoke
3. The China Daily is your source for hard hitting, fast breaking, investigative journalism
4. All white people look the same to you
5. You find state-employed retail staff helpful, knowledgeable and friendly
6. You no longer need tissues to blow your nose
7. You throw your used toilet paper in the basket (as a courtesy to the next person)
8. You think that the heavy air actually contains valuable nutrients that you need to stay healthy
9. You think a 30 year old woman who carries a Hello Kitty lunch box is cute
10. A sexual pervert is a man who prefers women to money.
11. It’s OK to throw rubbish, including old fridges, from your 18th-floor window
12. You aren’t aware that one is supposed to pay for software
13. You tell your parents their house back in your home country has bad feng shui
14. You think that a $7 shirt is a rip-off
15. You always leave tray and trash on the table when you are in Starbucks because you insisted it is the way to keep everyone employed
16. You have no reservations about spitting sun flower seeds on the restaurant floor
17. You think it’s silly to buy a new bike when it’ll get stolen soon and stolen bikes are half the price.
18. You blow your nose or spit on the restaurant floor (of course after making a loud hocking noise)
19. You no longer wait in line, but go immediately to the head of the queue
20. It becomes exciting to see if you can get on the lift before anyone can get off
21. You no longer wonder how someone who earns US$ 400.00 per month can drive a Mercedes
22. You accept the fact that you have to queue to get a number for the next queue
23. You believe everything you read in the local newspaper
24. You have developed an uncontrollable urge to follow people carrying small flags
25. You regard it as part of the adventure when the waiter correctly repeats your order and the cook makes something completely different.
26. You are not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb
27. You look over people’s shoulder to see what they are reading
28. When car accidents become a source of heartwarming humour
29. You have figured out that it is actually the Taiwanese who are running this country
30. You have a pinky fingernail an inch long
31. You burp in any situation and don’t care
32. You start to watch CCTV9 and feel warm and comforted by the governments great work
33. You think Pizza Hut is high-class and worth queueing for
34. You have learnt how to detect someone is in a hurry behind you, and now have the ability to not only walk very slowly but also grow eyes in the back of your head, so when they start to overtake on the right hand side, you automatically cut in and walk very slowly directly in front of them
35. When you are able to jump the queue because the idiot laowai left 2 centimeters between themself and the person in front of them
36. You have absolutely no sense of traffic rules
37. You start calling other foreigners Lao Wai
38. The last time you visited your mother, you gave her your business card
39. You go to the local shop in pajamas
40. When looking out the window, you think “Wow, so many trees!” instead of “Wow, so much concrete!”
41. You think “white pills, blue pills, and pink powder” is an adequate answer to the question “What are you giving me, doctor?”
42. Forks feel funny
43. Chinese remakes of Western songs sound better than the originals
44. You get homesick for Chinese food when away from China
45. You realize that smiling and nodding is Chinese body language for, “Go away; leave me alone.”
46. You think of “salad” as diced apples in mayonnaise
47. You don’t bother to take the sticker off the lenses of your fake Ray-Bans
48. You compiled a 3-page list of weird English first names that Chinese people of your acquaintance have chosen for themselves.
49. Your collection of business cards has outgrown your flat
50. You and a friend get on a bus, sit at opposite ends of the bus, and continue your conversation by yelling from one end to the other
51. You cannot say a number without making the appropriate hand sign
52. You like the taste of Green Tea and Chivas
53. You start recognising the chinese songs on the radio and sing along to them with the taxi driver
54. You feel insulted when you enter a restaurant and only three waiters welcome you

Trouvé au hasard de mes déambulations sur le web... pour vous donner une idée de ce qui est un choc culturel, mais qui sait si bientôt moins aussi je n'aimerai pas le karaoké/cracher dans la rue avec ce délicieux bruit de raclement de gorge... En tous cas, j'ai déjà commencé ma collection de carte de visite!

A suivre...

Posté par hpicard à 21:28 - Commentaires […] - Permalien [#]